Madonna By Herself

Madonna By Herself is the story of a woman sitting at the side of the street waiting for someone to save her from her loneliness. Perhaps someone who can occupy her hollow heart which has gone dim, as dark as the corner she waits in.

The title is derived from Leonardo Da Vinci's painting, Madonna by the Rocks (also known as Virgin on the Rocks) and the style is inspired by Rembrandt Van Rijn's self portrait paintings, where he purposely poses having the source of light coming from behind, uncommonly used by the portrait artists of his time, trying to study how light bounces off the skin from different angles and directions. This piece is homage to them, a mishmash of reminiscent renaissance painters with a more modern subject.

I saw this woman at the side of the street just sitting there. I saw beauty in her pose as she sat there in the dark, alone, seemingly waiting either after solitude or salvation. The light of the vehicles, which were stuck as we were in the traffic jam, provided a classical glow on her albeit hiding her facial features, but still providing enough lit to elaborate her posture.

It reminded me of this story I once read (I tried to search for it on the interwebs but only found articles about rejection in suiting women, and if you know the story I'm talking about, please let me know in the comments section) it was about this woman, might even be a princess, who sat at a bench in a park turning down every suitor who tried to pursue her.

She is a noble woman, still single, beautiful, fairly young but in the right age for marriage. She turns every man down who tries to win her heart, because she claims that she still hasn't found the right man for her.

So she keeps turning down all these men one by one as she kept on waiting at the same spot. Years go by and still no man has won her favor yet, and eventually in the end, she notices a decline on her suitors. She has failed to noticed that it has been years and years of her turning down men and waiting for "Mr. right" that she hadn't notice that she herself has aged and has turned into an old woman which no man would dare to woo anymore.




She thought to herself that she would find the right man for her in time. But it turns out that all the men she rejected has gone to court other women after her and has already married and lived a full life, while she still waits for someone, an illusion that of a man who will never actually come. The lesson of the story is the classic expectations VS reality, or live in the "now", or be content, or be thankful for what you have. I dunno exactly, one of those I guess, but you get the point, right?

Often times, we go out of our way and let our hearts fall for someone out of our league, beyond our own standards, light years beyond our own level. And sometimes, we do get to have them and we try to keep up with them. But eventually, they see through the veil of our own sneaky tactics as they get to know us better and decides that we're not really the one for them and they eventually leave us for someone else.

Other times, we lower our own standards because we're so desperate to fall in love. We don't let go of the first person we fall in love with even though we know that we don't really know them that much and try to fool ourselves that they are "the one" for us  just because we're afraid to look around for someone better and more suitable. It's either that or we're just scared shitless to approach and talk to other people that we truly adore, afraid of being rejected and laughed at for even trying.

Worst part is, we remain in a relationship that are abusive and manipulative, we don't break off our relationships with people having ulterior motives other than love. These are partners who are just after our inheritance or fame(if we have them), making us trophy wives or boyfriends. Relationships we fail to admit that isn't working, relationships that started out of obligation, or gained in a manipulative way.

Like the woman saying that she's pregnant, but really isn't or maybe she is but by a different father or worse, she planned to get pregnant in the first place to "own" the guy.

Other bad relationships start by holding us hostage because of that one-night-stand we had with them one drunken Saturday, blackmailing us to tell everyone we know about it and how a jerk you are. Yes, these are things that we do when we are desperate to get affection just to try and cure our curse of loneliness.

Personally, I've been through most of these things I've spoken of above. I've been dumped countless times, having half a dozen exes, broke up with them, and been broken up with. Being in an abusive and even masochistic relationship, courting girls that went nowhere, been on the brink of suicide because of  being heartbroken.

Being too needy, being the fool who deluded himself in being in a good relationship that was really based on a rebound, being the fool that wants to be the rebound guy and being the fool who thought that he has found "the one" but the girl really doesn't feel the same way, and never moved on from it for years. All these because I longed for love and someone to accept me for who I am.

Don't get the wrong idea though, I don't look like Quasimodo. I too have dumped girls and blocked their affections and come-ons, not because they're unattractive, but because I wasn't really attracted to them the same way they are to me. They just aren't my type and I didn't feel any affection towards them.

I was only able to find the right one when I finally said to myself, "Hey, if I find her, I find her." I gave up on my search for her for a time, truly gave up. And for once, I live my life not based  on just looking for "the one", for once I didn't let my search affect my actions towards people and my plans for the future. For once, I stopped blaming the girls who left and rejected me and focused all my energies on improving myself, spending my time levelling up my art skills and getting a job and taking it seriously.

And finally, doing what I really wanted to do, art and comic books, not worrying if I succeed or fail. And lo and behold that was the time she shows up! My wife to be, resting at a hammock reading a manga.

She's a friend of a friend of mine, and we were all on this job together living in a house with other artists for a mural project we were in for a month. I noticed that she was reading manga and so I went up to her and we got talking and then I found out she also loved anime and art and writing and wanted to make her own fiction and comics, it's all of the things I was doing and have interests as well, and more!

To make our story short, that night we spoke a lot about our common interests and what anime we liked and other stuff, that night, I fell in love with her. And haven't stopped falling in love with her ever since. Soon, we confessed our love for each other, we became boyfriend and girlfriend, and after a year or so we got married and a year after that our first baby was born.

She actually also almost gave up on her search for the right one for her like I did, she told me. She said she really wasn't looking for anyone at the time. She got her heart broken as well from a failed relationship and another from someone that loved another. She told me that she almost gave up on being found, until I came to her life.

See, I was the one looking for her, and she was the one waiting for me, and to our surprise we found each other. I think we're always bound to bump into each other one way or another, but the thing that made us stick together is because we've both learned our lessons from our previous attempts at love.

Honestly, used to be a "bad boy" when it came to relationships, I wasn't really like that at first but I let bad ex experiences change me for the worse,  and I fucked around a lot in my early adult life, even cheated and did a lot of regrettable things I'm not proud of, and as a consequence of that, I've also lost good relationships because of being me and how I treated other women.

I realized that I have  to changed myself for the better,  to learn from my mistakes from past relationships and in what went wrong. I realized I had to be a more mature and responsible person. 

Don't believe anyone who tells you, "You don't have to change who you are for the person you love, if she really loves you then she should accept who you are as you are." That's bullshit. What if you're a friggin' axe murder that's going to kill her eventually? Or you're a drug addict slowly bringing her down with you?

Don't let your huge ego deprive you of the woman who you truly love and adores you or else she'll wake up one day, realizing how big of an asshole you really are and she'll leave you.

You really have to change for the better, you have to change the asshole parts of you that might be hurting your loved one. You also have to change the parts of you that are being abused by others or even your partner, heck you might have to change your partner if that's the case.

You constantly have to improve yourself, learning lessons, so you can be a better partner. It's also admirable to stand up for yourself and have a steady income, to be able to provide for her if you're a guy. Or maybe, change being a bitch and for once take care of yourself by not being a slut.

Maybe the reason you can't find the right one for you is because you're too stubborn to make changes in your life? Maybe that's the reason men or women are always leaving you for another for the same reasons is because you keep doing the same mistakes all over again in each relationship.

Or maybe you don't want to change yourself by not learning how to talk to a girl, or simply not knowing what it takes to court one. Or maybe the reason why is that you have a superficial and grandiose definition of love.

For me, I've changed and simplified my view of love and happiness; "I can make her happy and at the same time, she makes me happy."  Simple as that. It's also a two-way street, it's a give and take, you have to give love and you also have to accept it. Love is a mutual thing and it's rarely enjoyed by one person.

If I have one word to sum up how we're able to succeed in love and survive as a happy husband and wife  as well as have our relationship bloom up to now, it's this: Truth. Love based on Truth is one that will last longer than forever. I know what I just said doesn't make sense, but it sure does feel that way. 

No lies, no manipulation, no more playing games, no more courting from someone who teases you for years just using you for whatever means, just dump me if you don't love me and move on.

If you find yourself being tested by someone, telling you to not text them anymore and then after a week or so asks why you haven't texted them,  then they're lying and just wants to play hard to get, to which I say, is not really truthful, playing games and not really that into you to take you seriously.

The truth goes a long way, if you don't know what I'm talking about; ask yourself, if you've ever been in a relationship where you really didn't like or love the person you're in a relationship with, how did that turn out? Or if you're in a relationship and you sense that your significant other doesn't truly love you, but you dismiss it and delude yourself that everything's okay. How's it going now? Not good right?

Or if you're in love with someone, obsessed with them but they've already told you to back off or they've blocked you on social media and you still try to fantasize about you two being married and having babies, what the hell are you doing?? Don't be a stalker, man, move on. There are other things you can do with your life, and this clearly isn't one of them.

We've all been fed the same fairly tale; The prince charming will come for the damsel in distress and save her from the evil witch and before the movie ends, they will live happily ever after. We often forget, especially the girls, that this is a fairly tale. Life is more complicated than that. Sure Esmeralda didn't go for Quasimodo in that Disney version of Hunchback of Notre Dame, but really, who is perfect among us to decline true love?

Better yet, who among us think that if we look like Quasimodo, we're going to get someone as hot as Esmeralda with the sexy voice of Demi Moore?

And the truth is, in real life, that doesn't really happen. Often times if the man is really old (or ugly) with a young wife, that man is filthy rich, a millionaire who can buy her anything she wants and she's probably sleeping with someone else when the old man is out on a business trip. That might not be the case for every old man who has a young wife 10+ or 20+ years younger than him but you get the picture.

The best advice I've learned is, don't go over your level. If we're going to use the scale of 1 - 10 1 being the ugliest and 10 being the hottest person, and if you're a 5 then go look for a 5. If you're a 7 then go look for a 7, if you go below that then you're going below your level. If you go over that, then, you might get her still but you guys might break up in the future if she finds her own level. Or maybe you have a million bucks in your bank account. Either way, you have to be truthful.

Be truthful to yourself in what or who you really are; be realistic in looking at yourself. Sure, you might be attracted to a supermodel and you might have average looks but if you're one good writer or a pilot or a singer, then man, by her standards you're a match. And remind yourself that nobody's perfect. That if you see imperfections in her, just remind yourself that you too have crooked teeth.

And speaking of standards, just like the scale system, you must be truthful to your standards. Don't go below your standards or above it. To put it simply, if your stomach can't, well, stomach street foods, then don't eat street foods. But if your budget isn't fit for a five star restaurant then by all means, go to a fast food joint and have your belly filled there. Same goes for choosing women, don't order the same meal every time. Otherwise, you're going to puke yourself... oops that's not what I meant.

I meant that you shouldn't go over your standards, but by all means, have standards at least! It's like this; Do you wish for a princess when you're a common construction worker? No right? That only happens in fairy tales and it's time to wake up from that illusion. But I'm not saying that, that can't happen, what I'm saying it's not very realistic, after all we're talking truths here.

And sure let's say that construction worker builds a castle for the princes all by himself and then maybe he can get her that way. But, I bet you if he did do that, he'd be so famous and independent and praised by thousands  that other girls might want him for his talents. I can assure girls, including the princess would flock to him, and he might even find someone better than the princess he originally wanted. Because he realizes that the love of your life is no Disney dream, it's built on hard work. It's what we call a relationship.

He might fall in love with someone as hardworking as him, a waitress that he sees everyday at the carinderia where he eats daily as he was building the castle, which in contrast to the princes which he has never seen, she will eventually fall in love with the waitress organically, and that is true love... Man, that's a great idea for a Disney movie! HEY, DISNEY!! CONTACT ME FOR THIS STORY!!!

But in all seriousness, you get the point. Don't level jump, have standards (aim for someone as hardworking as you and not the callousness princess), don't be desperate and don't be needy. Be a man and handle rejections well, and don't take it personally. And reject the guys or girls who only want to play games. Not every heartbeat is love. Go out on a date first and if you really love him or her, confess your love.

And if he or she doesn't reciprocate, move on. It will hurt for a while, but it's better than deluding yourself that she loves you and have all your time be eaten by being a hopeless romantic or whatever that means.

Have the courage and ask someone on a date, go out, know each other, share your interests with one another, go out some more, respect one another, make love, introduce them to your parents and friends, make love some more and if the both of you can't stand being apart anymore, then, get married. Base your love on truth.

If you do that, you might find the one. I know I did. And if you're tired of waiting or tired of searching, hey, maybe you should do something else. And no, I don't mean just waiting there playing video games all day. Guys, there's nothing wrong with playing video games, but unless you're making one or you're the best player of that game in the entire world, I don't think the chances of you finding a girlfriend is high.

Play the game of life instead. Otherwise, all you will be fucking is yourself, jerking off in front of your screens and being satisfied with porn stars or hookers who tell you that they love you like they do with everyone else. Don't go that route, live your life, level up in the real world by improving your own self, not your character or avatar.

And maybe, if you do what you really love, painting that masterpiece, sculpting that monument, writing that novel, cleaning that garden, or even drawing that comic book you promised you'd draw when you grow up, eventually, you'll meet her.

As long as you are true to yourself and you're calling, you'll find the one, the right one. Because she's bound to love the things you really love as well.

And in the end, you won't be like the woman in the artwork sitting by herself. You'll thank the universe, the heavens, that finally, you won't be the virgin by the rocks.

Madonna By Herself
9 x 12"
hand-painted art print
Marius Black 2018
Manila Ukiyo-E


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